And it’s not a matter of etiquette and social training and it’s not about rewards.
Did you catch the NYTimes article We may be born with an urge to help on altruism and selfishness in children?
It’s research that certainly fits with my experience of children at school – they are all too happy to lend a hand when
For those of an idealistic bent, these are supportive findings. Helping others and reaching out, it seems, are not something to be imposed. Rather we have a natural inclination to cooperate, share and help others. But – that said – doesn’t it make sense to build social institutions – schools – on those principles? That way, the social norms of group membership can develop and help shape these natural inclinations. A school culture of kindness and cooperation is not built on punishments, rewards, rules and regulations but rather on shared expectations and intentions. These are what strengthen and shape behavior. Shared intentions are what make us human.
In “Why We Cooperate,” a book published in October, Dr. Michael Tomasello, a developmental psychologist, and co-director of the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany writes:
“Shared intentionality… is close to the essence of what distinguishes people from chimpanzees. A group of human children will use all kinds of words and gestures to form goals and coordinate activities, but young chimps seem to have little interest in what may be their companions’ minds.”
What are the implications for parenting and schools?
According to Dr. Tomasello it’s a matter of simply communicating with children about the effect of their actions on others and emphasizing the logic of social cooperation.
“Children are altruistic by nature,” he writes, and though they are also naturally selfish, all parents need do is try to tip the balance toward
“Humans putting their heads together in shared cooperative activities are thus the originators of human culture.”
The article cites other researchers whose findings complement his work.
In “The Age of Empathy.” Dr. Frans de Waal writes: “We’re preprogrammed to reach out. Empathy is an automated response over which we have limited control.”
Social structure requires that things be done to maintain it, some of which involve negative attitudes toward others. The instinct for enforcing norms is powerful, as is the instinct for fairness. ….
“Humans clearly evolved the ability to detect inequities, control immediate desires, foresee the virtues of norm following and gain the personal, emotional rewards that come from seeing another punished,” write three Harvard biologists, Marc Hauser, Katherine McAuliffe and Peter R. Blake, in reviewing their experiments with tamarin monkeys and young children.
Sociality, the binding together of members of a group, is the first requirement of defense, since without it people will not put the group’s interests ahead of their own or be willing to sacrifice their lives in battle. Lawrence H. Keeley, an anthropologist who has traced aggression among early peoples, writes in his book “War Before Civilization” that, “Warfare is ultimately not a denial of the human capacity for cooperation, but merely the most destructive expression of it.”
The roots of human cooperation may lie in human aggression. We are selfish by nature, yet also follow rules requiring us to be nice to others.
“That’s why we have moral dilemmas,” Dr. Tomasello said, “because we are both selfish and altruistic at the same time.”
Not seeing this altruism and helpfulness at home? Have a sense of disconnect when you hear from teachers about behavior in school that does not altogether match what happens around the chores at home? The article has an explanation for that too.
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So glad to read this. It's why requiring students to do community service is totally the wrong thing to do. It undermines the very trait that you want to promote. It undermines the instinct to help that is innate and only needs to be supported and given room and opportunity to develop.
Community service "hours" and all that nonsense assumes kids need to forced to be helpful. It's a college resume builder. "Look at me - I went to a third world country and did manual labor (badly) because they are short of manual laborers." Ridiculous. And college admissions people see right through it.
Community service requirements are counter productive. What kids need to have is to be in a community that values people working together and that helps open their eyes to ways they can be effective in helping others. Give the the skills and opportunity. Allow them the time. Build a culture of kindness and include the adults!