Are you all sitty comftybold two-square on your botty? Then I’ll begin.
If you’re a Brit of a certain vintage then you will be familiar with the delights of “Professor” Stanley Unwin.
Unwin was an expert in Unwinese – a personal mangled language worthy of James Joyce and Finnegan’s Wake. He was also a comic genius with an unparalleled ability to lecture on anything from astronomy and the arts to the internal combustion engine, Dr.Who, Elvis Presley – wasp-waist and swivel-hippy – and the Royal Family.
He fired the wannabe rock star Bill Wyman from his factory job, and he told totally twisted stories for children. Example: Goldiloppers And The Three Bearloders
Here’s a transcript of the opening:
Now, once a-polly tito. You may think that doesn’t sound quite right. But believe me, once a-polly tito it is, and in this case it was Goldyloppers.
Goldyloppers trittly-how in the early mordy, and she falolloped down the steps. Oh unfortunade for crackening of the eggers and the sheebs and the buttery full-falollop and graze the knee-clappers. So she had a vaselubrious, rub it on and a quick healy huff and that was that. So off she went, and she went trittly-how down the garbage path, and at the left right-hand-side goal she passed a [sniff] poo-pom, it was hillows a humus heapy in the garbage!
Think of the opening of The Mookse and the Gripes, James Joyce’s re-telling in the Wake of Aesop’s fable The Fox and the Grapes.
The Arty Craft History of Art
Unwin’s lecture on the History of Art is a perfect example of his erudition and scholarship. You just have to listen to that voice and you know you are in the presence of one of the world’s best explainers of our cultural heritage. Deep joy!
This is cultural history fed through an absurdist blender – the history of art in the style of media scholar presenting history via nonsensical anecdotes and random linkages. It is a whimsical and genial parody of academic authority and pomposity. And the authoritative, confident, cadence of the scholar! So certain in his own expertise – and so kindly dispensing knowledge over the radio waves. Again: Deep joy!
Carry-On Regardless
Here is Unwin in the film Carry-On Regardless -1961 the fifth of the thirty-one extremely silly Carry-On comedies. Sid James has started the “Helping Hands” agency and is seen here reading the Greyhound Express with the usual cast of characters waiting for business when in comes Stanley Unwin.
Sid and the crew are baffled, but fortunately, Kenneth Williams is a linguist and can interpret.
Seasick and James Joyce
Turns out, Unwin discovered James Joyce while working in the Features Unit at the BBC during the war. A stint as a Royal Navy wireless operator ended because of chronic sea-sickness and he joined the BBC as a sound engineer. As a morale booster during various “bangy-bangy, boomy-boomy’ situations, he entertained the Unit with improvised “performages” featuring such favorite phrases as “Oh, folly, folly!” and ”deep joy”. Apparently, many of the phrases came from the way his mother told him bedtime stories.
Unwin said he had developed Unwinese by telling bedtime fairy stories to his two daughters.
“I found they enjoyed the stories even more when I used double talk. I was also interested in speaking like this because I had always been intrigued by the lack of communication between people when talking to each other and I realised that they listened far more attentively if you said something strangely”
He was given his own radio show and took to rendering sports commentary into ridiculous gibberish. He was soon in demand and started accepting offers as an “after-dinner speakloder”. As befits a verbal riffer, he was a great jazz fan – his favorite instrument was the saxophobia, but he also enjoyed “Mozarkers and other composies of classicold musee”.
Yes may we not see still the brontoicthyian form outlined, even in our own nighttime by the sedge of the troutling stream that Bronto loves and Brunto has a lean on. Hiccubat edilis. Apud libertinam parvulam. Whatif she be in flags or flitters, reekierags or sundychosies, with a mint of mines or beggar a pinnyweight.
Coping with Edubable and Genderese
They do in fact go back to Ethelrebbers Unready, King Albert’s burnt capers where, you know, the toast fell in and the dear lady did get a very cross knit and smote him across the eardrome excallybold. The great sword which riseyhuff and Merlin forevermore was the beginning of the Great Constitution of the Englishspeaking peeploders of these islone, oh yes.
“Our folly folly times call for those who can speak in the great tradition of Edward Lear, Lewis Carroll, and Stanley Unwin. Oh yes, deep joy.”
Oh! Yes!
We (Yanks) had a dim echo of Unwin in a comedian named Professor Irwin Corey. But he never put me on the floor laughing helplessly, as did your demented “art historian.” I must notify a certain artist-friend while this entry is still on top!
Hi Curt – So your comment had me off in search of Professor Irwin Corey. What an interesting fellow. New name for me but I have just looked him up and am glad to make his acquaintance. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irwin_Corey
Thanks for the connection.
Meanwhile I recommended this post to an artist/lecturer friend and he got back to me: “This guy is hilarious. Maybe I should try conducting my art tours the way he speaks.” Advisable to wait until April 1, I say. Meanwhile I had had no clue about Corey’s social work. So thanks for that too, Josie.
No intended offense to your friend (or any other art expert / scholar who works to educate the rest of us) but, I wonder how many would notice if s/he were to deliver the lecture in Unwinese.
I was just considering suggesting that to him myself! What he Unwinizes a lecture and no one notices, they just clap politely as usual? Horrors!
Could be an interesting experiment although possibly bruising to the ego.
It all has me thinking of famous literary hoaxes. And that’s a whole other kettle of worms.
So fun and interesting!
Oh Deep Joy indeed !
Lovely post! I have very fond memories of Unwinese from childhood. I also remember the Small Faces and Happiness Stan which Unwin narrated.
That small faces thing was a big deal at the time. I only have a vague memory of it though. have to go rediscover!
I fear however that sending up “genderese” would now qualify as a ‘hate crime’ – at least in public .
The defense of unfounded accusations might have to rely on that useful Latin legal term — “res ipsa loquitur” — the thing speaks for itself!
Some things are their own parody.
I am also old enough to remember him on the radio and also re-rendered by our wonderful Art teacher in pottery club .
What fun to have a pottery teacher who could do that. Although I’m sure it might wear a bit a thin if overdone. I’ve taught kids with astonishing ability to talk rapid back slang and pig Latin. Impressive.
Loved this post – I remember him well!
Like!
Absolutely wonderful ! I can’t imagine why I have never heard of this clever and hilarious man.
And to see a very young Kenneth Williams. You have made my day.
Thank you Josie.
Thank you!
And Kenneth Williams was one of those comics who kept you sane back in the day.
And Esma Cannon was another of my favorites (born in Sydney.) Not to mention Charles Hawtrey and Hattie Jacques. What a gang!
Wonderful. I worked for many years with someone who could do this and it was lovely to listen to him winding people up. I’m not sure he ever did it to an irate passenger but he certainly could have. Nice to be reminded of him. He was a good friend and supportive supervisor when I was just a novice.
I look forward to what comes next…
Thanks Carolyn. I am certain that in any “customer service” profession such a skill would come in most useful when dealing with the “public”. And indeed in any job where dealing with – or defending – the indefensible ridiculous is required.
They should teach it in schools and training as basic self-defense and customer service.