It’s graduation season and across the land schools are saying goodbye to students and students are moving along and into the next phases of their lives.

It’s all very heartwarming and etc. I usually couldn’t wait for them to be over.  All that dressing up and ceremony and sitting and waiting in uncomfortable chairs. At least at the dentist you can catch up with celebrity vapidity with People magazine or distract yourself with New Yorker cartoons. 

I’ve never been a fan of graduation. It was not a feature of my own time in high school and the sole reason to attend my college graduation was that it was the only way to actually get the diploma. It was entirely unmemorable. By the time the next one came along attendance was optional. I started my summer job on an adventure playground instead. 

Of course it is good to see young people – some of whom you’ve watched (and if you are lucky, helped) overcome all kinds of adolescent struggles and obstacles – move on.  And it is satisfying to see families come together in love and pride. The ceremony is for them. For you it is an ending not a beginning. You have already celebrated and honored them and said your farewells at all the end of year events – the Athletic Banquet, the Senior Dinner, the all-school farewell, senior presentations, field day, the last Art Show, theatrical performance, concert, film show, game of the season. All those events had meaning bringing something of significance to a close. All the poignant moments, the triumphs and  tragedies, the exasperation, the drama, the ups and downs of the roller coaster of school. It’s over. Those kids were yours for a while, a borrowed time. Commencement is for the families. It’s time to let go.

I loved the sudden hush that descends on a school once commencement is over. The building empties out, the chairs are stacked, the flowers carefully put aside to serve again, the buses wheeze down the drive and everyone takes off for the afternoon. In a short two months you will be longing for the buzz of the new school year and the empty building will feel deadly. But for now – a blissful solitude and silence. 

It’s not that the year has ended. Tomorrow it will crank into gear again and all those end of year adult things have to happen before the summer begins.  And the ever increasing list of “stuff” – deferred  to the summer “when we’ll have time to get to it”  – kicks into gear.

Fred Calder – the former executive director of NYSAIS – always advised heads to go home after commencement, and take a nap. The work is done. You already celebrated the rite of passage in a dozen different ways. The class is launched and off they go. You did your best. You wish them well. And you mean it when you tell them to keep in touch.

The building is still. Your office silent. You hope the phone does not ring. There was the time the small child missed the bus and was found wandering the empty building. And there was that memorable occasion when a graduate took distant relatives on a tour and a spectacular row broke out. The family wanted to go celebrate together. The graduate had other ideas. All rather painful to overhear. But such disturbances of the peace were rare and even they did not delay the strange experience of driving home in the early afternoon. And yes, taking a nap.

Follow Your Bliss

Graduating seniors were once advice to follow their bliss. Seems like a short-sighted luxury in these more utilitarian days and perhaps it never was good advice, leaning as it did toward the self indulgent. Lucky are those students who have been supported in finding what they love to do and developing the skills to do it. School should be in helping young people identify and building a sense of purpose. After all – if you can connect what you are a passionate about with an important social need you will never be bored, unhappy or unemployed. Working in schools served that purpose for me and I wish that (sense of purpose) for everyone graduating this year. 

You’ve heard the expression “Follow your bliss”
I agree with that line but I also add this:
Connect personal bliss with a great social need–
You’ll be happy, fulfilled ... and also get a job.

Thinking about how much I don’t miss graduation brought Emily Dickinson to mind. Emotionally a bit over the top  of course – life in school is not a great pain; graduation is not death. But there is an intensity to the last few weeks of school …. And then, it stops. The Hour of Lead, a numbness of feeling, and a letting go.

Until, of course, it all starts up again. 

       After great pain, a formal feeling comes